5/9/10 session...Shit just got real!

5/9/10 Session, D.I.G. 3/18/1004
1. So as I’m asleep I hears this whimpering and sobbing and thinks to me self; did I hire a doxie last night? I don’t remember thumping any lasses over the head last night, who the fuck is making this racket? So I open my eyes to see the tree humper crying like a little bitch! What the fuck is that? What sort of man stays awake and wakes others sobbing in the corner? It must have been the elfish wine sitting wrong on me head ‘cause the next thing I know I’m sitting up and asking the tree humper whatever is the matter, and like a woman he tells me he is home sick and boo hooing over his fallen comrades! Now I’ve seen plenty of death, dealt my fare share of it out too! But I ain’t lost no sleep over anyone since me ma’!
2. So we are told by the elves tell us that they can send us to some city…Alexandra me thinks it’s called. But not into the city of course & that Elder Cape Suck My Balls isn’t going to be awake and walking for the trip. So I tells the bitches to put the lump in a sack and I’d carry the load. Nope not good enough for rm. He needed to be gently placed on a stretcher. So we pet zapped by the elves and end up looking at a plateau with the city on it. I help to carry the holy ball sucker into the base of the plateau where we are stopped by a busy body with a spear, a guard. I just arrived and I think there is something wrong with this place already! We aren’t supposed to wear our armor! I can’t carry my very choice flail either! Man the doxies better be outstanding here!
3. It turns out the tree humper is a real Chatty Kathy. There we are trying to get sleeping beauty to the local temple and he is chatting away with this guard. Normally I try not to talk to the local guards, but not this guy. Blah blah BLAH! Finally we enter the plateau. This place reminds me of the under dark. Inside the earth but spiraling up instead of down. It seems the poorer you are the lower in the plateau you live. So, on that note we head for the very top! We rent a villa, really posh and polished! I get my own room and a tub that’s big enough for me, I also get my own slave to fetch me whatever I can think of at the time!
4. As soon as we are settled in and before any beer passes my lips these chuckleheads call a group meeting. There they go acting like women again! Anyway the sneaky one tells us about some play being produced by an Alister Duval, and about some guys wearing red sashes at this place called the Red Fox inn. Thelonius sees some priests for whatever his reasons are while I take a bath and get my clothes cleaned. Then I figure I might want some new stuff and I go shopping. I get fitted for some clothes and then I see her! Sitting all alone in the back of some weapon smiths shop. A sword that I can finally get both of my hands around and it’s all shining like silver with a big ruby in the pummel too! The cost is just 1000 platinum. It will be mine, it must be mine! On my way out I bump into Thelo who is looking at some squiggly lines in a window. He calls it reading, I call it gawking!
5. Thelo tells me his gawking has put him onto some people that are missing some kids. As it turns out that guy with my sword and the seamstress next door are missing their 2 kids. And they are going to give me that sword I like just to find the kids! SUCKERS!
6. During yet another gab fest some thin guy who has spent way too much time in the sun shows up to talk to the old coot. He says his name is Link Afrotastic & he is here to help the baron. Another young fool following an old fool, it never changes.
7. The sneaky one heads out to check on some leads with the 2 missing kids. He goes to some tavern where he is told to look for a guy named Perry Hill. I think he is with the waterworks on account that they call him an in-sewer-ance sales man living on the top level of this plateau.
8. D.I.G. 3/19/1004 I go with the old coot & Thelo to see this Perry Hill & ask about the 2 missing snotlings. He tells us that he saw the little shits throwing rocks at some birds that then chased them 2 towards the western slope. We decide to have yet another blab fest and then finally when the ladies jaws are aching we head out to the western slope.
9. So this is the slum of the upper deck. A lot of homeless beggars and ruined building in this area. I am sure if I was to set up shop with the sneaky one this is where we would do it! Anyway some of the locals tell us that there have been lots of kids missing in the area and they think that the brothers Kane & Abel are the ones behind it. Whatever I don’t care, I just want my sword! We are told where to find these 2 ass faced douche bags. So onto their hide out where the old coots’ man servant climbs onto the falling in roof then yelling ask “What did you want me to do up here?”- So much for the element of surprise! With the front door barred from the inside, Thelonius manages to knock it down. You gotta let a little guy get a win once in a while.
10. On the inside someone, probably the sneaky one, finds a secret door under some crates that has a ladder leading down. As always we leap first then look later as we head down the ladder and find the ass fuck twins, Kane & Abel. Quickly the dumbass duo is under our control and just as quickly we find the kids. Then I hear some footsteps above us and am sent to check it out. I see 3 guys with red sashes and what I guess is there leader who wanted me to get the kids for him. So I tell the others what they want and then the old coot opens his mouth yet again. At least this time he didn’t threaten to eat their younglings. So instead of us getting out of the basement with only the 1 way out, the old coot invites them down the rabbit hole. For all his hard work we get a cask of oil thrown onto us – SPLASH! – then a lit torch – WOOSH! – Now we are in a burning room with 2 small scared children and the only way out is being blocked by crates and stuff. I try to bash open the door and am yelled at for my trouble and told to try another area. I mean why yell at me, the fire was barely warming my toes. Anyway I finally break through the floor above us and get everyone out of the hole, including the douche bags twins, then myself.
11. On the way back to get my sword one of the 2 dumbasses tries to squirm out of Afro’s control, so he was rewarded with a punch in the face by yours truly, and I was rewarded with a sermon from Thelonius the high holy nose. Anyway some guards got in our way and wanted to give us some shit for taking the law into our own hands, as if they were going to go into the slums and clean them up a bit. So anyways we get to the armorer and I am greeted by the old coot who has a rolled up rug that he wants me to carry, whatever I just want my sword. And the old bugger tricked me by having it rolled up in there! But why roll it up if I have the tickets? You know they gave me tickets and I want to use them.
12. I am in such a good mood that I tap open my kegs of beer and tell Geeves to get us some good quality Doxies! I pay for 10 thinking I would use three of them myself and everyone else would get one each. Not so fast! Apparently I live with a bunch of unicks excepting the old coot seeing that I took nine and the coot took one of the girls. Everyone else was afraid to get oil their wicks!
13. D.I.G. 3/20/1004 another day another meeting. The tree humper had some news on the waterworks. I would have figured they would want to get even with them red sashed sons of bitches that left us to die in the burning building but no! They want to go into the sewers to look for some missing workmen. The sneaky one checked out where he saw them red bellied bastards and the old coot went to look for some side work in that play I talked about before.
14. D.I.G. 3/21/1004 we search the first level of the waterworks for about 8 hours then to back to the villa, get cleaned up and off to bed.
15. D.I.G. 3/22/1004 we check out the second level and the sneaky one sees an arm stuck on a spinning blade in the water. I cross the water where it is calmest to check on some holes in the wall. A cold-bowl climbs around the corner and the old coot talks to it and it the runs off. Then it’s back to the villa.
16. D.I.G. 3/23/1004 back to the whirling water blade of death again. I was told they are going to tie a rope around my waist as I try to climb on the wall and hammer some metal spikes into the wall and have the rope go through it. The others are going to make sure they tie the knot well and if I happened to splash into the water they are going to pull me out. Well they can’t tie worth a shit! I end up nearly drowning as does Thelo also. After I am finally pulled to safety I gather up my gear and head back to the villa for a bath and some beer!
17. D.I.G. 3/24/1004 back to the whirling water blade of death again. This time the tree humper says some words over me and I was able to walk on walls and the ceiling. I set up the block and tackle and then another one around the corner of whirling doom! We find a cave and wander into it where we hear in the distance some chanting that I didn’t understand. WE wander nearer letting the chanting to get loader and loader. There was this cool picture of a mean lizard with some symbols underneath it. Then we walk on in and see a bunch of those lizard dog things chanting around a man tied to a pole. I’m thinking he is a sacrifice ‘cause I don’t see a cooking fire burning. We slaughter all but 2 of them when a huge green smelly winged lizard comes out of the water and eats the sacrificial human in one gulp.
18. Most of us take to running away while Thelonius tries to get the old coot to run with him. The lizard, a dragon according to moon man old coot, is pissed because we done killed all of is pets and servants. He is so pissed he kills all of his livestock by spitting some sort of acid on the. Anyway he tells Telonius to leave ‘cause he wants to talk to the coot all alone.
19. The dragon has a name and its Laroken and he has bond the old coot to a Dragon Pact.