5/2/10 session...been pimpin' since pimpin's been pimpin'

5/2/10 session, D.I.G. 3/15/1004
1. So we killed those spider things, and there we is, bickering like the mothers of daughters I’ve bed over who cares when we get surprised by these two whatchamacallits…Otyughs I think is what they are called. Of course I crushed the fucking things, nothing new there.
2. And even after all that, these fairies I find myself around are all complaining about not having spells, pantaloons that are too short or they have sand in their vagina's and what not, they decide to high tail it out of the under dark. Finally a decision that doesn’t involve a committee. Anyway so there we are strolling down the hall when the sneaky type hears something around the corner. Wouldn’t you know it its a few Minotaurs! So the old bat tells us he can talk to them, as if they would have anything interesting to say, and he starts off by telling them to get lost and we’re a bunch of stinking cave trolls here to eat their babies! Pure fucking genius there I tell you! So now the hairy horned assholes charge at us and what does captain underpants do? The old coot tells us to run away! What happened to eating the babies? They are like veal when they are real young…mmm veal! So we run, they chase and this goes on for a while but eventually we either make it out of their turf or they decide to breed or something cause they stopped following us.
3. It seems the only way out of this maze is through the walking porterhouse steaks. So we head back to them. This time we try to be all quiet like, as if that can happen with a runty little ankle biter of a dwarf hanging around. He makes so much noise, and the smell! It’s enough to make you want to throw him at a Minotaur! Anyway the sneaky one says some mumbo jumbo and makes another dwarf that he sends back to the hall with the hairy bastards and gets 2 of the 5 to chase him. But that still leaves 3, 2 of which run right at us! So do we take them down while the numbers are split? Hell no that would be the right thing to do, divide and kill the fucking flea bags! I listen to the supposed leader and turn tail and run, again…like an elf that needs to suckle on his mothers tit!
4. Being the girls are all tuckered out from running all over the place we find a spot for a nap. As usual they want me to watch over them, which I don’t mind ‘cause it means they are sleeping, and that means the bitches can’t cry while they sleep. Also it gives me time to relax for a bit which is always a good think, but I ain’t got any ale nor any floosies so I can’t really relax now can I? So the girls got there spells back and we went our merry way.
5. D.I.G. 3/16/1004. So I’m not the smartest guy around, but I ain’t stoop-it either. This next move still has me scratching my head. After we get finished eating what is to pass as breakfast the foofy forest lover and the old coot inform the rest of us poor sons of bitches and whores that we are now headed right back to the Minotaur breeding grounds to tip toe through the bull’s shit and out to the desert. Not so fast as we are charged by the cow humpers. I found I have something in common with the savage cows, we both hate dwarfs! So they kill the little Flint, for that they must pay! I might hate dwarfs, but he was my dwarf! Then the foofy forest lover goes down and gets back up. I kick ass as usual, but hey, nothing new there!
6. As I am about to leave, with the girls in tow, I find another type of spider blocking my way. This one is sort of like a man on top with a spider body a dryder is what the tree lover called it. So I kick the shit out of it and then I escort the desert queens out of the dark.
7. We take a rest in the cave during the day so as to not get a sunburn, then we make camp about 300’ away from the cave. During Thelonius’ watch he sees 7 or so figures head into the cave. Nothing during my time awake, blissful quiet! Then Nym & the coot see them leave, then hear some horses. It would be cool if there was a horse that didn’t cry when I was on it, but hey a guy like me has a way of making just about everything and everyone cry.
8. D.I.G. 3/17/1004. This morning I did a good deed. Two of them actually. The first was not killing Thelonius when he woke me up. The second was escorting the old coot and Thel around the cave mouth to where they heard the horses. We hear some more, but don’t bother to look. Then we head back to the others. All in all it took about 20 minutes or so. We tell the others what we heard and then some pointed eared elves show up to guide us across the desert. I like elves, especially when they are slow roasted on a spit!
9. When we reach the underground forest the old coot and the tree fucker and Thel give a shell to some healers and then are called to a meeting with the tribes’ elders. The new guys kowtow to the elders and apologize for not killing whatever it is they are supposed to kill. I would have killed it. That’s what I do, chew bubble gum and kick ass. Only thing is they haven’t invented bubble gum yet. Anyway it seems that Nym lied to these rubes! HA! I think I have some new found respect for the little shit!
10. The old elves tell the new guys that when their friend is all mended up they can send them with some magiks where they need to go. I think Alexandria is where they are headed next. Who knows what up with these guys? The tree hugger must of gotten up on the wrong side of the moss this morning ‘cause he leans into the old coot all loud and yelling like. I’m sure it must have been a site to see! Them two morons yelling at each other in front of the old elves! So the bottom line is the tree hugger will follow the old coot to Alexandria to finish the current mission then no more.
11. I guess the old guy was all sad and stuff as he went and talked to a tree then to the room with all the books and stuff. Books are good, I like books. I like the ones that have soft pages. They scratch less when I wipe my ass!
12. That's all for now 'cause that's all that's happened. Time for some ale and floozies, in any order!